I actually don't know what exactly I am writing, but I do think I need to do this today. It's been a while, since I have a wonderful new job for my church it has kept me busy in a different way and I have needed to focus on my family. I got released as primary president to now be stake primary president. How inadequate I feel! In both cases! I have no idea what I am doing to say the least, but I know He does. In fact when I got called in to accept the calling from my wonderful stake president I just came from playing basketball and not in anything dressy at all. I thought the call was for my husband- since in our church we don't know before hand who it is for. So shocked when it was for me! But every calling for my church has been a wonderful opportunity. And getting to be with all the children still? Heaven!!! I adore those children and teachers, leaders and friends.
For whatever reason, February and March are so hard on me. So my thoughts right now are very real and very raw. And because of the great blessing of my calling or job for my church I have gotten to know so many new and wonderful people I wouldn't have known in this way before. And I know the trail of depression is very common. So because of my love for my friends and those I get to serve, I wanted to write sort of a few different thoughts this coming month. I'm not sure again what, but I'll keep writing. Because I know service and love are one of the best helps when it gets too hard.
But I also know, I need help right now. I've had to learn to be much more honest with how I feel when I feel it is too hard. I know there are times to serve and times to be served. So with that and others I have felt to share this with, I wanted to ask if you could pray for me. Ever since I first became a leader I realized one very important truth- leaders are far from perfect- because I was now one. They are human, they have trials like anyone else, yet they still have to try and serve and lead. And I just need prayers- prayers and love. Depression is hard. It is lonely. It is debilitating. And I don't need someone to tell me right now a new idea to try, or another lecture. I just need a friend when it gets hard. That's it. And I am forever grateful for my best friend- even the Savior Jesus Christ. For when it does get too hard, I spend even more time with Him and his light and life lift me even if I am not meant to be healed yet.